Being sick

No one likes being sick, and I have to say that in this case I'm very glad it's me.

I've recently caught the flu and while I don't like it, knowing how I feel makes me glad I'm the one who has it instead of anyone else in the family - especially Eli.  At first I thought I had enough chest congestion to warrant a pnemonia, but after a chest x-ray that was ruled out.  My biggest worry was that I had somehow given whatever I was sick from to Eli.  Knowing I felt border-line sick, I'd been refraining from kissing his pudgy little cheeks or even from changing his diapers.   Once I knew it wasn't a pnemonia, and that it was the flu, I felt better - but also knew that my distance from Eli would have to remain - if not increase.

Not being able to hold him and touch him, and cradle him, sooth him or coo back at him, or sing to him (for fear I'd breathe on him), or play with him - was hard.  I know he doesn't share real words yet, and I know we can't play catch or hide-and-seek (let alone peek-a-boo), but there's more to our relationship than those things - it's me loving him, just because he is, no other reason.

I looked at him from a distance and he'd look at me and all the while I wished I could help him understand what was going on, "Daddy can't hold you little buddy - he's sick and it's because I love you (and Mommy) that I can't hold you or hug on you."

One things for sure - I was definitely very motivated to get better and now I am, and while I didn't like being ill, I'm glad it was me and not him - he can't even communicate in intelligible words or gestures to tell me where it hurts.

God thanks for keeping him and Becky healthy and for healing and making me well again.